As someone who has been overly aggressive and then repressed my anger for so many years, I have a lot to say about being pissed off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can\u2019t really think of anything that really pisses me off, as I write these lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The difference is that today it comes from a place of non-reaction, of deep self-knowledge and because I have learned how to hold the deeper parts of me that were hidden beneath all that anger. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I was a child and a teenager I was pissed off at the world. Everything was a reason for me to be pissed off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was aggressive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was always looking to fight, verbally or physically, with everyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was like a ticking bomb, ready to explode at all times. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wherever I could, I let this part of me have it all the way, but in an irresponsible way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s why I was so into sports. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt like it was the only place I was allowed to use and channel my anger and my physical strength. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In retrospect, I wasn\u2019t always playing fair. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hurt a lot of people along the way, and the only thing they did \u201cwrong\u201d was to play on the opposing team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ball or no ball, if I had the occasion to, I\u2019d run people over, like a train. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I got validation for doing this, from coaches and teammates. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I loved feeling powerful, untouchable and invulnerable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This was only an illusion, of course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All I was looking for was a target, because I needed an outlet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At some point in my life, I decided to make this part of me wrong, to shut it down and never allow myself to be angry, ever, except during sports. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then I stopped playing sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wanted to prove to myself and others that I was a \u201cgood person\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wanted to connect with other people and the only way I knew how to do that was through fear. Most people respected me out of fear. They couldn\u2019t see me or feel my heart beyond the armored up facade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This made me swing the pendulum all the way to the other side and not even be able to recognize when my boundaries were being crossed, when enough was enough and how to lovingly stand up for myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I became a professional people pleaser and a doormat without any boundaries because deep down, all I wanted was to be loved. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then, what pissed me off was other people\u2019s anger. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like, \u201cHow dare you be so angry when I don\u2019t allow myself to be\u201d ? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I used to be the first to judge other people\u2019s anger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because it required so much energy and self control to shut my anger down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then comes the interesting part, the integration. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What if I can be angry and loving and lovable, all at the same time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What if my anger is my friend, and all it does is tell me when my boundaries (physical, emotional or otherwise) are being crossed and that there\u2019s something I need to look at ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can express my anger in a clean, honest and respectful way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
All of this to say, truly, today I was looking to write about something that pisses me off and I found nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No recurring, annoying thing that I could name that pisses me off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, when things like hitting my toes on something, bumping into things, dropping things, forgetting where I put my phone or my keys when I need to leave, being cut off by someone while driving, someone being late for a meeting, etc. happen, I feel some sort of anger, but it lasts like what, 2 seconds? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also, yes, sometimes I go to the bathroom with a baby in my arms and then I realize there is no toilet paper. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or I go to take a shower and I\u2019m already soaking wet and I forgot my towel, or the soap. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like, oh, this thing !!! And then it\u2019s gone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kids being kids and doing things that kids do doesn\u2019t piss me off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
People being people and sometimes having bad days doesn\u2019t piss me off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most of the time, I laugh it off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And when my boundaries are being crossed and I feel angry, I am able to name the thing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I feel misunderstood or upset I talk it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So for me, the answer has not been finding any good reason as an excuse to explode in the face of people and to be pissed off at everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nor was it to never allow myself to be angry, ever, no matter what the circumstances. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The key has been to allow myself to feel all that there is to feel, without judging it and in doing this, all the sideways anger was gone, and when I feel angry, I know my anger is clean and valuable and allowed to exist, and the result of this is that there\u2019s almost nothing left to be pissed off at. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As someone who has been overly aggressive and then repressed my anger for so many years, I have a lot to say about being pissed off. I can\u2019t really think of anything that really pisses me off, as I write these lines. The difference is that today it comes from a place of non-reaction, of deep […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"elementor_theme","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-732","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-non-classe"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/732","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=732"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/732\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":733,"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/732\/revisions\/733"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=732"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=732"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raphaellenormandin.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=732"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}