I used to think I was responsible for other people’s feelings, their happiness and/or their problems.
That has a name; it’s called codependency.
Codependency is often rooted in childhood.
I have six siblings, all younger than me.
I grew up being and feeling responsible for them.
This then became my way of operating, and I reproduced it in all spheres of your life.
Here’s how I would describe codependency: it’s when you constantly put the needs of others before your own and your happiness depends on things outside of yourself, such as your work, your children, your intimate relationship, your friendships, your family, etc.
It’s when you have no idea about what you want or how you feel and at the same time, you are an expert at decoding other people’s feelings and meeting others people’s wants and needs.
And even if you do know how you feel and what you want, you still don’t communicate these things clearly to those around you.
Your whole life is based on over-giving and under-receiving.
You have trouble saying no and people are always asking you for more and expecting things from you.
You desperately want to be a “good person” or a “good student” or a “good parent” or a “good partner” or a “good employee” … or the “best” in whatever business you created. You get the point.
You want others to be happy, you want to help them solve all their problems, you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. You spend your days and nights doing all of these things for all of these people and constantly have the feeling that it’s never enough, and you feel so tired because you don’t have time to relax or work-out or read a book or eat or sleep or take care of yourself, but you continue anyway because you think you don’t have a choice.
You are the giver.
People around you are takers.
This was my reality.
This can absolutely be your reality, it’s really okay, and it’s not your fault.
Know that you always have the power to shift these patterns and create a new reality for yourself.
I now live in a world where it’s ME FIRST, where I have boundaries and where I have time for the things that truly matter to me.
Nothing other than how I feel inside my body determines whether I’m a yes or a no to something.
Some people will tell you that this is selfish or impossible or “not very nice” …
I don’t believe those things to be true anymore.
You always have a choice.